Truth: Adult men rocking over-sized sports jerseys is awful. It screams immaturity and laziness, hinting at loutishness. Hey, balding, 55-year-old dude wearing a Tom Brady jersey: You’re not imagining it, the world is laughing at you.
However, perhaps the sheer unlikelihood of your team’s getting to the Super Bowl without cheating has you reaching once more for your polyester No. 12. Here’s how to do it right.
White jerseys might not be the best investment because you’re asking for it to get ruined by spilling something on it.
1. Big man, Big man jersey
If you weigh over 300 pounds, you have to wear a lineman jersey. Offensive and defensive lineman in the NFL are some of the most intimidating figures you’ll come across, so why not replicate them?
You can grow out your hair and beard and don a Nick Mangold jersey to match the Jets center or you can put on a Chiefs Dontari Poe jersey and throw a tailgate football touchdown just like the defensive lineman did against the Broncos.
2. Old man, old jersey
Pushing AARP age? Then you have to wear a throwback.
If Broadway Joe was in his prime in your heyday, wear that Namath jersey with pride. If you’re a Jets fan it’s probably one of the few you can actually wear without hanging your head in shame.
3. Always go one size bigger
Always go a size bigger when getting a jersey to leave room for other clothes to keep you warm when going to a game.
This is crucial. When purchasing your jersey, do not buy the same size as a dress shirt. You have to think in sweatshirt logic here. They’re not meant to be a tight fit, especially if your physique is more Vince Wilfork than Matt Ryan. Leave plenty of room so you can fit the jersey over a sweatshirt, which obscures your gut and keeps you warm.
4. Pass on the visitor’s jersey
Sure, there’s plenty of white jerseys out there that look sharp — looking at you Giants color rush gems — but they’re not worth owning unless you plan on never wearing it. You’re asking for this jersey to get ruined when you wear it out by having beer spilled on it or french fry ketchup.
5. Go authentic
If you’re throwing down at least $ 100 on a jersey, drop a little extra and go for a stitched jersey instead of a printed replica. A stitched uniform can get you through years of wear and tear with multiple laundry sessions without damaging your beloved apparel.
Adult men rocking over-sized sports jerseys is awful, but not as bad the Knicks.
6. Store it properly
Never ever fold a jersey and stash it in a drawer. Always hang the team sweater in a closet so you can avoid getting creases in the numbers or name on the back.